6 Shit Things That Happen After Infant Loss

Infant loss is devastating. It’s a deeply painful experience that many people endure in silence, and yet, after the initial shock and grief, the world around you keeps moving. As you try to navigate your new reality, there are certain challenges that make the healing process even harder.

I want to talk about some of the shit things that happen after infant loss—the things that no one warns you about, but can completely throw you off and leave you feeling even more isolated. Whether you've experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, or another form of infant loss, these situations might sound familiar. You're not alone in feeling these things, and I hope by sharing my own experience, we can create more awareness and support for each other.

1. People Asking If You Have Kids, When You’re Having Kids, or Why You Don’t Have Kids

One of the hardest things to deal with after infant loss is the seemingly innocent question: “Do you have kids?” or “When are you going to have kids?” It comes from coworkers, distant relatives, even strangers. It’s such a casual question in society, but to someone who has just lost a baby, it can feel like a punch in the gut.

Even worse, some people may ask, “Why don’t you have kids yet?” or offer unsolicited advice, completely unaware of your personal struggles. You’re left scrambling for a response, feeling pressure to explain a deeply painful part of your life to people who have no idea what you’re going through.

2. Close Friends and Family Having Kids

It’s bittersweet when your closest friends or family members have children while you’re grieving a loss. Of course, you’re happy for them and excited about the new addition, but it can also be incredibly painful. Seeing their joy and healthy pregnancies can trigger feelings of sadness, jealousy, and even guilt.

You might start to wonder, “Why not me? Why do they get to have a baby while I lost mine?” These emotions can be confusing and overwhelming, and sometimes it’s hard to maintain those close relationships when all you want to do is withdraw.

3. Pregnant People, Babies Crying, Baby Aisles, and Baby Clothes

Everyday life is full of triggers when you’re grieving infant loss. Walking past a baby aisle in the supermarket, hearing a baby crying, or seeing a pregnant person can instantly flood you with grief.

These are things you can’t avoid. They're part of life, but they are powerful reminders of what you’ve lost. The pain of seeing baby clothes or hearing baby cries can catch you off guard, leaving you feeling raw and exposed in the middle of something as routine as grocery shopping.

4. Hurtful Comments and Unsolicited Advice

People often don’t know what to say when they hear about your loss, so they sometimes say the wrong thing. Well-meaning comments like “Everything happens for a reason” or “At least you know you can get pregnant” can feel dismissive and invalidate your grief.

Even if someone means well, these comments can sting. It’s like they’re trying to fix something that can’t be fixed, or downplay the significance of your loss. You might find yourself having to educate people on what’s helpful and what isn’t, which can feel like an extra emotional burden when you’re already struggling.

5. Anniversaries or Significant Dates

Anniversaries, due dates, or the date you lost your baby can bring back a flood of grief. These dates are milestones, and even if time has passed, they can hit you hard. The grief can feel just as raw on these days as it did when you first experienced the loss.

These significant dates can be difficult to prepare for, and the emotions they bring can be overwhelming. You might not even realise how much they affect you until they arrive, and you find yourself right back in the thick of grief.

6. Social Media Triggers

Social media can be a minefield when you’re grieving. Scrolling through your feed and seeing pregnancy announcements, baby showers, or happy family moments can trigger feelings of sadness, jealousy, and isolation. It can seem like everyone else’s life is perfect while you’re struggling with this huge loss.

It’s okay to take breaks from social media or unfollow accounts that don’t feel supportive to you. Remember, your mental health comes first, and you don’t need to expose yourself to triggering content if it’s only adding to your pain.