Alice Draper

They clicked instantly. Within 18 months they were deeply in love, living together, and beginning to plan for their future. They bought a home in Dorset, her home county, and agreed that they wanted to start a family together. By summer 2018, they began trying to conceive.

Trying for Their First Baby

It took about a year of trying before Alice saw her first positive pregnancy test in August 2019. She was overjoyed. After months of tracking her cycle, using ovulation kits, and wondering if it would ever happen, the test confirmed what she had been longing to see.

She remembers waking up that morning, taking a test, crawling back into bed, and whispering to Nick, "I think I'm pregnant." Like many people, she took a second test minutes later to be sure. They both felt the excitement and anticipation of a life-changing moment.

The First Loss: A Missed Miscarriage

At 10 weeks, Alice noticed unusual spotting. She wasn’t too concerned at first – friends had shared stories of bleeding that led to healthy pregnancies. But when she went for a scan, the sonographer gently delivered the news: the baby was only measuring around seven to eight weeks, and there was no clear heartbeat.

They asked her to return a week later to confirm, but Alice already knew. Her instinct told her something was wrong. That instinct proved correct. She experienced a heavy bleed before the second scan, confirming her first miscarriage.

Grieving and Choosing Openness

Alice chose to tell close friends, family, and colleagues about the pregnancy early on, and though some consider it "too early," she doesn’t regret it. Having told people meant she also had support when the pregnancy ended. She had to make difficult phone calls and have painful conversations, but it helped her begin healing.

She didn’t seek therapy, but she leaned on her strong support network. She walked in nature, returned to work, and kept moving forward. Looking back, she acknowledges she may have gone back to work too soon, but at the time, it felt right.

Pregnancy During the Pandemic

In August 2020, Alice became pregnant again. It was the height of the pandemic. She discovered she was pregnant while camping, using a test in a public toilet. She felt hopeful but realistic.

At six weeks, she began bleeding. Because she was only just at the threshold for a scan, and hospitals were limiting appointments, she wasn’t seen. She miscarried naturally at home. While difficult, she felt an odd sense of gratitude for her prior experience, which gave her a roadmap of what to expect.

A Third Miscarriage and Feeling Stuck

Just six months later, in February 2021, Alice became pregnant again. This time, she told very few people. Her emotional response was more controlled, more cautious. She began bleeding again at around six weeks and miscarried at home.

This marked her third miscarriage, qualifying her for recurrent miscarriage testing on the NHS. In the UK, testing typically begins only after three pregnancy losses, a policy that Alice finds deeply frustrating. Like many others, she questioned why women must endure such heartbreak multiple times before being taken seriously.

Testing, Answers and Frustration

Alice underwent blood tests, scans, and basic screenings. Everything came back “normal.” She also considered private testing but found the costs to be significant. Even language used by doctors upset her – terms like "episode" rather than "loss" felt dismissive.

Despite the results, Alice knew something wasn’t right. She continued advocating for herself and looking for answers.

A Fourth Loss in Early 2022

In January 2022, Alice found herself pregnant again. This time, she let herself be excited. She had manifested becoming a parent that year. She told friends and family. She even contacted her GP to ask for progesterone, a treatment often offered after recurrent miscarriage, but was told it wasn’t necessary.

At around seven weeks, while at work, she began bleeding again. It was yet another loss. She didn’t need a scan to know what was happening. Her body was familiar with this process by now. But emotionally, the disappointment was immense.

Running for Healing: The London Marathon

In 2023, Alice channelled her grief into action. She ran the London Marathon to raise money for Tommy’s, the UK charity that supports families facing miscarriage and stillbirth. She raised over £4,500 and said it was one of the best days of her life.

Training for and running the marathon helped her rebuild trust in her body, which she felt had betrayed her. Crossing the finish line, surrounded by friends and family, felt like reclaiming some of her lost strength.

IVF and Their Fifth Loss

Later that year, Alice and Nick were approved for NHS-funded IVF. They chose a clinic and began the process in early 2024. Egg retrieval resulted in five eggs. Three fertilised. One embryo made it to day five and was transferred. They called it Lucky Ducky.

Alice felt incredibly pregnant. She was hopeful. Her symptoms were strong. She and Nick even took a holiday during the two-week wait.

But at their eight-week scan, they were told there was no heartbeat. It was another missed miscarriage. Her fifth loss.

Eight Weeks of Bleeding and Lingering Pain

That miscarriage dragged on for over eight weeks. It started and stopped, leaving Alice physically and emotionally exhausted. Eventually, she returned to the early pregnancy unit for a scan. The sonographer recognised her from her first loss years earlier and gently confirmed that her uterus was clear.

Those weeks were some of the hardest. She had just accepted a new job, and the emotional toll of grief, hormones, and a future once again slipping away felt immense.

A Diagnosis at Last: Balanced Translocation

After five miscarriages, Alice and Nick paid for private genetic testing. The results revealed that Alice is a balanced translocation carrier. This rare chromosomal condition likely caused her miscarriages. Her chromosomes are normal in number, but two of them have swapped segments, which can lead to embryos with incompatible genetic combinations.

While devastating, the diagnosis offered clarity. It helped explain the repeated losses and gave them a new set of options.

Considering the Future

After years of trying, testing, grieving, and hoping, Alice and Nick are taking a year off. They are not currently trying to conceive. They’re considering egg donation in the future but also contemplating a child-free life.

They’re spending this year living fully by travelling, resting, enjoying their time together, and rediscovering joy. Alice is exploring what life could look like if she doesn't become a mother. She's aware that her life still holds value, purpose, and love, regardless of her parental status.

A New Tribe: Not Trying, Not Done, Not Sure

Alice and Rosie found comfort in creating their own tribe for those of us who aren’t actively trying, aren’t done, but aren’t sure what comes next. They’re not alone.

There’s a whole world of people navigating grief, possibility, childlessness, and unexpected joy. People who cry one day and celebrate their freedom the next. Who feel peace and pain in equal measure.

Alice is still in that place. And she’s learning to be okay with it.

Final Thoughts

Alice’s story is one of immense strength, heartbreak, vulnerability, and resilience. It’s a reminder that our stories don’t always unfold as we planned. That grief and joy can coexist. That we can rebuild trust in our bodies, find new purpose, and live beautiful, full lives, no matter the outcome.

 

Follow Alice on Instagram: www.instagram.com/headfullofjoy

Read about how Alice changed careers during infertility and IVF treatments: https://healingafterinfantloss.com/changing-careers-during-infertility-how-to-navigate-work-managers-and-co-workers-after-loss/