Kaiti Davis

Facing Ectopic Pregnancies and Emergency Surgeries

In October I felt like I was having an ovarian cyst rupture. I've had many so I went to the doc to get my pain meds and go home to sleep. When I got there they found out I was pregnant and it was ectopic. They were working on transferring me when I collapsed to the ground in pain. I had to crawl to the door for a nurse. They rushed me to the ER and did the tests to confirm and then the surgery to remove it.

Again, I moved on from this quickly. That was the most painful thing in my life and I just was happy it was over and I was okay. It didn't feel like an infant loss as much as a traumatic event for me.

At my post op appointment my OB said everything looks good and to tell her when we got pregnant again. Again there was no indication I would have issues. My doc did mention that they would do early tests just because my chances were higher for another one. The chances were still less than 10%.

Another Ectopic Pregnancy

On Christmas Eve 2023 I had another positive pregnancy test. I was thrilled and this one felt right some how and I was so sure. I was really disappointed in my doctor's office because they wouldn't take me in for an early ultrasound and testing. I asked multiple times on the phone and they said it wasn't necessary. I finally messaged my doc directly and we scheduled the earliest ultrasound possible in about a week and a half.

It was the weekend before the ultrasound on Jan 2024 and I got a pain in my stomach. I knew exactly what it was. I sat there for 6 hours just in pain and unable to move. Both me and my husband were at home just having a lazy day and I couldn't get myself to tell him. If I said it out loud it would be real. After 6 hours I did and we went straight to the same emergency room. We waited 8 hours for the verdict on if we could try the medication or if I would have surgery.

I couldn't eat that whole time. It was awful and I'm so thankful I'm someone who can sleep anywhere. They determined I was not too far along to try the medication method to remove the ectopic pregnancy. Two days later my pain increased and I was sent back to the ER. This time we knew it would be another surgery and I would no longer be able to get pregnant on my own. The surgery went well and my surgeon even cleaned things up so I'd be ready for IVF.

Grieving the Loss of Fertility

But in my head that was it. I couldn't have kids. I mourned the loss of my ability to have children way more than the baby I had lost. I not only shocked myself I shocked the doctors and nurses who helped me. No one had seen a healthy young person go through 2 losses in 3 months and then lose the ability entirely. I felt so distant. My story didn't line up with others because they could keep trying. I relate a lot to your childless not by choice series because of this time in my life. It wasn't the end but I was so depressed I couldn't see any other way.

Starting IVF and Finding Hope Again

IVF was so unfamiliar to me it didn't feel like an option. I would also like to point out that I live in the US and fertility care is not covered. I think part of the reason I didn't see it for myself is because I couldn't afford it and my insurance doesn't cover it.

My family was nice enough to pay for the bulk of the cost and that made it feel more attainable. I feel so incredibly lucky that my family did that. I know I would be childless not my choice if it wasn't for them. It's sad that it comes down to cost but that's the US healthcare system.

We waited a full year to start IVF. Let's be real it took 6 months of therapy for me to even consider it.

On top of my losses, everyone at my work seemed to be having kids. It prolonged my grieving for sure. In January 2025 we started IVF. I was incredibly lucky. Since my infertility is physical rather than the unknown symptoms, my body did really well. I had 38 eggs in my egg retrievals. When all was said and done my husband and I had 8 healthy embryos. That process was such relief after all the troubles we had and my body not doing what I needed it to do.

Pregnancy After Loss and Navigating Fear

Tomorrow I will be 8 weeks pregnant with a perfectly healthy boy but I can't celebrate it. I love telling my family updates and seeing their excitement because that's the only way I can experience it right now. I know if something happens to this one, I will have to grieve the loss of the infant and it terrifies me.

My therapist works with patients with infertility and she said most of them have a moment where it's finally real for them. For some it's the first heartbeat they hear. For others it's the first kick they feel. I don't even want to imagine it yet but I hope I get there soon. I want to be excited but I want to keep my heart safe and protected. I also want to be able to plan for it but I can't. My next appointment is also with my regular OB and not all the lovely fertility staff that understand my fears.

I'm on a scary but hopefully new path to have the kid we always wanted. Even if this story helps just one person I would be thrilled.

Thank you for your content and for reading my story.

Kaiti Davis