Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR) – My Experience & What You Need to Know
Losing a wanted pregnancy is one of the most devastating experiences a person can go through. Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR) is a difficult decision made when a pregnancy poses serious risks to the foetus, the pregnant person, or both. Despite its medical necessity, TFMR remains a taboo subject, leaving many parents feeling isolated in their grief.
In this article, I’ll explain what TFMR is, why some parents are faced with this decision, and share my personal experience of undergoing TFMR at 6.5 months pregnant.
What is Termination for Medical Reasons (TFMR)?
TFMR refers to ending a pregnancy due to severe medical complications that affect either the baby, the pregnant person, or both. TFMR is often an agonising decision made under dire circumstances.
Some common reasons for TFMR include:
1. Foetal Medical Conditions
• Incompatible with life: Severe conditions such as anencephaly (missing parts of the brain and skull) or Potter's syndrome (lack of kidneys, leading to no amniotic fluid).
• Severe disabilities: Some conditions may require multiple surgeries with low survival rates.
• Chromosomal or genetic disorders: Disorders such as Trisomy 13, Trisomy 18, or Ellis-van Creveld syndrome (which my baby had).
2. Maternal Health Risks
• Life-threatening pregnancy complications such as preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome, and placental abruption.
• Serious medical conditions like cancer, heart disease, or autoimmune disorders that make pregnancy unsafe.
3. Mental Health Considerations
• In some cases, severe mental health conditions such as PTSD or suicidal ideation may justify TFMR if the pregnancy poses a significant psychological risk.
My TFMR Story – Terminating at 6.5 Months Pregnant
I was 22 weeks pregnant when my husband and I went for our 20-week anomaly scan. What should have been an exciting moment turned into a nightmare. The ultrasound technician was silent. She kept scanning for an unusually long time before finally telling us there were multiple abnormalities with our baby.
After weeks of tests and specialist consultations, we were told that our baby had Ellis-van Creveld syndrome, a rare and severe form of dwarfism that affected his heart, lungs, bones, and internal organs. The prognosis was heartbreaking:
• He would likely be stillborn or die within days or weeks if he survived birth.
• If he lived, he would require multiple surgeries and spend most of his short life in the hospital.
We were given a choice: continue the pregnancy knowing he would suffer or end it now and spare him pain. It felt like an impossible decision—but ultimately, we chose TFMR at 6.5 months to prevent his suffering.
The Emotional & Physical Impact of TFMR
Emotional Pain & Grief
• TFMR is often misunderstood, leaving parents feeling isolated.
• Many experience deep grief, guilt, and emotional turmoil.
• Society often judges or stigmatises parents who have undergone TFMR, assuming all abortions are the same.
Physical Risks & Recovery
• TFMR can be performed via D&E (Dilation & Evacuation) or Induction (giving birth).
• Most people physically recover within a few weeks, but the emotional recovery can take much longer.
Healing After TFMR: Finding Support & Community
Coping with TFMR is incredibly challenging. If you’re struggling, please know that you are not alone. Here are some ways to find support:
• Join TFMR-specific support groups – Antenatal Results & Choices (ARC) or Ending a Wanted Pregnancy.
• Consider therapy – A grief counselor specializing in pregnancy loss can help.
• Memorialise your baby – Some parents find comfort in naming their baby, creating a memory box, or getting a tattoo. Read this blog post for ideas on how to honour your infant loss.
• Connect with others who have experienced TFMR – I am always here to talk. You can reach out via Instagram @healingafterinfantloss or email me.
Final Thoughts
TFMR is one of the most painful experiences a parent can endure. If you are facing this decision, my heart is with you. You are not alone, and your grief is valid.
If you’d like to share your TFMR story, I invite you to submit it for the Healing After Infant Loss website.
Sending you love, healing, and strength
Rosie